Vietnam is truly a land of smells. Food, manure, fish, ocean, manure… did I say manure? The country side is beautiful. It is also erratic and incongruous.
We managed, with Michelle’s marvelous translation services, to find a truly award winning metalsmith who refashioned my kickstand/footpeg assembly. Dodge is no longer Popeye.
Michelle came up with a name for her bike, eschewing my choice of “Uncle Ho.” Her bike was christened “Jenky” today, for reasons no human will ever understand.
Jenky is also a one legged victim of a day in the country with Michelle. Michelle waved me over about 40 kilometers outside Pan Thiet complaning of a strange grinding noise from the rear of her bike. I, estute observer that I am, was quick to point out what I thought might be causing the problem.
We slowed it down and make it to Mui Ne for the night and have resolved to make it to a suspension shop tomorrow and see what can be done.
I chose these old Honda Wins for the trip as they are popular everywhere and spare parts are cheap and plentiful.
7 hours, 130 kilometers, and we are a day behind schedule. They have a word for people like us: Overachievers.
Dodge, my filthy conveyance, managed a flat tire to start off with, then towards the end of the day, the left footpeg and kickstand completely broke off the bike. Jenky, Michelle’s bike, started leaking oil and began having problems with the starter.
All in all, it was a good day. noone crashed, noone was injured, and we stayed at a pretty decent hotel called the Tropicana. This was because noone in the next 5 towns could tell us where a hotel was. It was such a foreign concept that we eventually turned around and drove back to one we had seen hours earlier.
Directions to anything are pretty interesting here. It is either 20 minutes or 100 meters. If it is within 5 kilometers, a local will tell you 100 meters. if it is more than that, you will be told it is 20 minutes. by this measure, one could walk the 100 meters in 20 minutes and drive the 20 minutes from Saigon to Hanoi in about two weeks. I think I am going to write an article about debunking Asian ethnic stereotypes… they are all wrong.
I’m tired. I’m watching the ants run around my screen, keyboard, and mirror and I’m just sitting here lacking any great volition.
This week, I’ve been beaten, massaged, arrested, and robbed… I’ve been in three different countries, bought motorcycles, got a flat tire, been in three accidents, and toured a foreign city with a local who learned English by watching porn.
Yeah, I’m tired.
I’m in Saigon, my new number is +841217683864. This is the second phone number I have acquired in Vietnam as my first simcard, along with my gallant and enduring Motorola Q9 were stolen today by *drumroll* a taxi driver! You will be missed, old friend.
Just checking in. Much love, everybody. More stories to come.
After getting in touch with the softer side of things for a couple weeks at the Shivagakomarpaj Thai Massage School in Chiang Mai, I decided it was time to go back and beat people up again. Tiger Muay Thai was more than happy to have me back.
This time, instead of straight fight training, I decided to mix it up, start doing some more weights and taking part in their Crossfit/Bodyfit challenges; like Beach Day.
Beach Day is a 2 hour montage of pain sprinkled with humiliation.
First off, we load a van up with a bunch of these tires attached to ropes.
Then we drive to this picturesque beachside cliff.
Then we all lose our minds.
We begin the exercises by doing backwards pushups up 5 flights of steps; 2 larger and three smaller. We do this 4 times. We sweat a lot.
Sometimes we take breaks.
It kinda looks like this…
Afterward, we form up in groups of 3. We take turns running up and down the 2 larger sets of stairs carrying one of these lovely tires overheard, and doing 10 squats at the top and bottom of the flight of stairs, handing it off to a partner each time we come up or down. After one has done 10 squats at top and bottom, then drop to 9 squats, top and bottom, then 8, and so on until you reach 0.
Then tourists decide they want to act the part…
Then we sweat some more.
So, that was a pretty good warm-up for the real monster exercise of the day… The Hill.
The Hill doesn’t look like much at first glance. It’s about 200 meters downhill to a 90 degree bend in the road where it goes out of sight. We are supposed to split up into teams of 3, grab a tire and run up and down the hill twice performing hundreds of various exercises at the bottom, midway, and top.
What you don’t realize the first time, is that the 200 meters of the road is just the beginning. The road is roughly 1 kilometer each way. Thankfully, traffic is light and usually just the occasional scooter, so if you do fall down from exhaustion, you probably won’t be killed by oncoming vehicles.
This is where most of the “first-timers” walk away. From the stairs to the top of the hill, somehow half of the people disappeared. That left myself and Joe as a 2 man team to drag the accursed tire rather than 3.
I wish I could say I was more of a help than a hindrance, but Joe took the tire almost 90% of the way. He was a powerhouse.
Finally, after buckets of sweat and a handful of “I Quit” moments, we dragged our tire and tired bodies to the top of the mountain. We would have celebrated if we had any energy left. As it was, we just lay there for a while, baking like roadkill in the sun.
After everyone could walk again, we made it to a little beachside bar and got a round of fresh coconuts to rehydrate and laugh about how crazy we all were for doing this willingly.
Tiger is one of those places in life where you can work as hard or as little as you like. The half asses sort of sift to the bottom of the pile, and the people who really go for it form a fantastic friendship through the blood, sweat, and tears of it all. I’d like to say this will be an annual vacation for me, but I’ve no idea what’s in store for me after this trip. I do know this; I will be back again. This was just too much fun.
Stories of Chiang Mai were some of the first things I ever heard about Thailand. I knew the city existed before I knew anything about it.
Anyone can get along here just fine. Like most of Thailand, Chiang Mai is set up to allow tourists the ability to do anything their little heart desires with the greatest of ease. There are, however, some very special things that happen her.
Chiang Mai is renowned for classes. There are a number of universities and specialty schools here that teach everything from the remedial to the spiritual. Unfortunately, they are not all in the same place.
Chiang Mai is something of a rectangle. There is a wall ( or sorts) surrounding the inner city with 4 gates. These gates provide easy navigation points for directing taxi and tuktuk drivers.
One of the most important things to know about getting around this town is the red and yellow trucks. The red trucks will drive around and take anyone to anywhere for 20 baht, or about 65 cents. The yellow trucks drive along relatively fixed routes through the city and will take passengers for 10 baht. Flag them like a taxi, state your destination to the driver who will then accept you or not. Do not ask how much it costs, because the driver will then seize the opportunity to make some extra money off of you; just jump in. When you arrive at your destination, pay the man the correct amount and go on your merry way.
If the driver asks for a different amount, simply correct him before getting in or find another truck. they come along often enough.
Chiang Mai is home to the largest amount of proper motorcycles I have seen since I was at the MotoGP race in Brno last year.
Chiang Mai is very geared towards the tourist. You can rent bikes, motorbikes, ride elephants, play with tigers, or attend classes in almost anything you can imagine. My primary reason for being here was learning Thai Massage, but I managed to squeeze in some cooking classes too. The cooking classes in Chiang Mai are a fraction of the cost of the classes in Phuket, fyi.
One thing I missed out on that I hope someone will do and inform me of how cool it was, is the Jungle Survival Cooking Course! You can schedule it with the booking agent at +66-53-208-661, but in order for the class to run, they need a few people interested in it, or you have to pay for 2 spots. When I checked the class was 1200 baht; less than $40 a person.
There are plenty of great places to eat in town; Fat China Man’s BBQ, Jerusalem Falafel, Starbucks… take your pick. Odds are, if you wander into any restaurant in town, you will get a great meal at a decent price. Fair warning, the owner of Jerusalem Falafel is never in a good mood, but the food is definitely worth it!
Breakfast…
Don’t plan on being an early riser to catch the proverbial worm. Nothing seems to open here until after 8 a.m. Not even the coffee shops. The Starbucks in town doesn’t open until 10 a.m.
If you are looking for a unique treat, head to the Chiang Mai Gate (south gate) market and find the sticky rice vendors. They cook sticky rice inside bamboo tubes that you can peel like a banana!
While in Chiang Mai I attended an insect riddled classical music performance, I saw tiny motorcycles, met all kinds of wild people, and generally enjoyed myself. That does not mean that Chiang Mai is a particularly enjoyable town.
Chiang Mai is something of a funnel, designed over time, to draw as much money from tourists into the local economy. This is not necessarily bad, it’s just what happens when enough tourists come to a town with money. It’s a great place to enjoy a couple of days off, book a tour somewhere, or learn some new skills, but if you are going to be based here, try to get out of the city as much as possible to really enjoy the area.
Hopefully, this short guide will give you a few things to do and see and make your life a little easier while you are in town. Cheers!
Wrap-Up:
Chiang Mai is great… for tours and classes.
There is a ton of good food here. Look around.
Red trucks are the best way to get around town. Yellow Trucks are a little more difficult to work with, but are half the price.
There are so many tour agencies here that any question you have about almost anything can be answered in a very short time just by asking around.
Protip: I am told that The Tiger Experience is awful; don’t waste your money by helping those people profit off their poor treatment of the animals.
Old Medicine Hospital, Chiang Mai, Thailand. That’s my new address.
I’m tired. I’ve been crawling around on the floor a lot lately. I enrolled in a massage school in Chiang Mai Thailand to absorb a couple weeks worth of training in the healing arts before I go back to getting bashed in the face at Tiger Muay Thai.
It’s been interesting.
Well adjusted people
Thai massage is something of a mix of wrestling, yoga, and chiropractics. Add in some basic chakra points and energy lines and you have the lovely art that I have been practicing lately.
I am thrilled to be in Chiang Mai. This is one of the first places I ever knew existed in Thailand. Koh Samui and Chiang Mai were the two places I was told I had to visit in Thailand. I haven’t made it to Koh Samui, yet.
The establishment itself is great. They have a fanatical security guard on duty all night, good wifi coverage, and plenty of instructors. Some of which are retired ladyboys… like I said: Interesting.
The part about this place that grabs your attention is that lodging is included in the 6000 baht a week price, and there is a discount for booking ahead. The lodging is extremely basic, but not bad. There is also a great penthouse at the top of the building that you can rent for 380 baht a night, about $12, which is well worth the money.
The crew here have been astounding. People from all over the world (the only Americans all seem to be from the Bay) and everyone is so easy to be around 12 hours a day.
The day starts about 8 am with a call to prayer, some chanting and singing around an ornately decorated statue. Fresh flowers, food, water, and (what looks like) alcohol are placed out for the spirits every morning.
We then head to the classroom (no cameras allowed) and watch the instructor bend, twist, and grope one of her coworkers for a couple hours. Afterward, we get a couple hours to practice and are released for lunch. After lunch the afternoon session is similar and the classrooms close down around 6 p.m.
Everyone grabs some dinner and then finds areas to practice the new moves into the night.
Some nights are different: Linda throws a dinner party at her tiny apartment, Cameron performs for a new bar on opening night.
My instructor, Fai, is always smiling. Even when she is telling me I am doing it wrong; which is pretty often.
At the end of each week, there is a 2-part exam on the material learned that week; both hands on and written.
At the end of the second, third, or fourth (etc) week, when people are graduating, they hold a special ceremony where your spirit is bonded to your body with a white string; something like the Sou Khuan in Laos. They put a dob of paint on your forehead and offer a prayer over you, but I don’t know what all that was all about. Good fun, though.
I passed my exams; flying colors and all that. But I need to keep practicing. If I am going to be in your neighborhood, beware; I will need practice dummies!
First of all, before you look at any of these pictures, let me assure you that I am a total dork.
I am sure I will try to deny this at some point in the future when I have children and finally need to appear to be an authority figure, but here it is in writing.
Luang Prabang was a cool little town. It’s easy to get there by plane; one of the better flying experiences of my life actually. It is relatively well connected by bus, though Laos bus trips are prone to excess adventure. It is also where I spent Valentine’s Day this year.
You don’t need to book a place ahead of time. There are dozens of places everywhere; several of them named “Merry.” It can get expensive, anywhere from $20-$50 a night for a guest house and the amenities vary somewhat, though they all seem to be quite clean.
There is a lot to do in town; eat food, watch monks, read books. A fantastic way to kill some time is to go and be an English tutor with the Big Brother Mouse people. Depending on their projects, they can use all manner of help with their book and literacy projects, but this is an easy way to start getting involved; every monrning 9-11 a.m.
There is a cool mountain covered with temples nearby named, rather tragically, Phu Si. It’s a great place to catch the sunset, talk to Buddha, or ride a dragon.
While the city is full of restaraunts, I found Lao Lao Garden had a certain charm. Check it out if you get a chance. Try the Water Buffalo.
As all good things must come to an end, Zsofi left to head back to Thailand and I was left with a couple days to kill before I went south to Vientiane. I did what may stand as the best thing I had done in Laos. Yes, even better than the elephants.
Asian Valentine Mugshot
I went for a walk.
I just picked a direction out of town and started walking until roads disappeared and were replaced by dirt tracks. I saw all manner of great people doing everyday stuff that I would never have had a chance to see otherwise. I met children mostly, and cackling old ladies. The day was simple and awe inspiring.
I sat in a bamboo hut on the edge of the river and relaxed while locals played and fished.
I walked down the road and followed an old woman with a machete and an umbrella for a while. I simply watched life happen around me.
As it was Valentine’s day, there were random flower stands set up along the way, though those disappeared with the roads. My hotel owner, a strange local man who had acquired some decent English skills and lost most of his hair, had given me a rose and a small box of chocolates earlier in the day. I stopped at the first little girl who waved at me (she was probably 3) and gave her the flower and candies. She was completely unimpressed. Her mom thought it was hilarious.
My Unimpressed Valentine
Towards the end, I found myself watching the sun fall out of the sky from the porch of a strangers home, surrounded by kids and their moms, sipping an indiscernible drink and eating food of some unknown substance and laughing ceaselessly. This went on for some time as we traded snacks and reaffirmed our complete inability to communicate using spoken words. This kid even gave me a handful of whatever egg/bread substance he was eating. I didn’t actually try it, but it’s the thought that counts, right?
My ninja!
At the end of the day, I realized that everyone I had met had been happy (except for my little Valentine.) Everyone I had met had almost nothing. Sometimes, I am confused by this. How can they have nothing and be so content?
That’s when I realize that they are looking at us and wondering why, when we already have everything, do we still want more?
Mending...
Wrap Up:
Luang Prabang is an easy flight from most places, or an all day bus from the capital, Vientiane.
There are so many places to stay, you really don’t need to book ahead. Also, the restaurant Utopia is not all it is hyped to be. Nice decor, poor food, drink, and location. Don’t sweat it.
The town is easily walkable, so the only time you should ever need a tuk-tuk is when you are trying to find an elusive ATM.
Again, get out of town. Rent a scooter, take a walk, ride a bicycle; do whatever you have to to get out into the villages and interact with people. They will love you.
It’s not like you didn’t want to go there, but you just hadn’t thought of going. We all have one. Well, I used to, anyways.
Let’s step back a bit. I’ve said before how easy Tel Aviv was to manage. Almost everyone speaks English, and the city generally has a friendly manageable feel to it. Renting a car is a relatively easy thing, too. Especially if you have a friend like Vered who can give you the lowdown.
I grabbed a car from Budget, one of the many car rental agencies in the city, since they had a return option to drop the car off at Ben-Gurion airport, and blazed a trail for Vered’s apartment. I managed to weave through the spaghetti track of streets surrounding her flat and only anger one carload of people in the process of picking her up. Apparently, I have hutzpah.
We got out of the city as quick as possible to grab the ever-dazzling Dana before we made for our true objective; the Dead Sea!
The drive was easy peezy and the landscape across Israel is as varied as any I have seen; mountains, farms, dense near-jungle, and expansive desert. We hit a convenience store on the way to pick up some snacks and cats.
Yes, it really is.
Before too long we were pulling up at the souther beachhead of the famed Dead SEA! I was about to find out what all the fuss was about… and there had been a fuss. Since my arrival, everyone I met asked me if I had been to the Dead Sea yet. When I said no, I was often met with surprise or mock outrage. It’s kind of a big deal.
This place was a blast.
You simply cannot sink! Unfortunately for our camera shenanigans, my Olympus camera didn’t agree with the high salt content of the water and promptly stopped working until we could get out of the water and clean it up. Then we promptly began misbehaving.
One thing to note; this is a touristy destination. As such, things are tourist prices. If you can, bring your own water and snacks, because if you buy them at the shore, you’ll be paying more than you bargained for.
The beach was peppered with visitors. At least half of them were local Arabs. I was able to discern this because the women were covered head to toe; they even wore their shoes. While I and most of the beach were running around, jumping in the water, and rolling in the mud, these women were squatting on the shore, dipping their hands in the water and rubbing the mud between their fingers. It was a little surreal.
This much salt and heat and fun and sun can get exhausting. It’s hard having this much playtime. Eventually, we just sat in our sun chairs and made less sense and more faces as the day wore on.
Finally, after the 100th attempt at conversation by the strangely androgynous boys wandering around the beach, we decided we had had enough heat stroke and packed up the car to head back to something like reality.
It was Friday. In Israel, that means Shabat. And as this was the first weekend of Hanukah, it meant just a little more. Further proof that I am indeed one of the luckiest humans ever to walk this planet; I was invited to spend the evening with Dana and her family.
I am not Jewish. I have had little to no exposure to the religion, other than reading a couple (mostly historical) books about the religion. I haven’t even read the Bible all the way through. That doesn’t mean that any of the magic of the night was lost on this non-believer.
At that time, there was a huge fire running through the forests of Israel. Dana’s family was truly concerned and kept watching the television for updates throughout the night. One of Dana’s coworkers was already killed in the fire. Dana and her cousin, Noar, had to relay all this to me because her parents spoke no English at all.
That doesn’t mean her parents and I didn’t communicate; it just means there was more sign language and smiling than actual nouns and verbs.
The weight of the day added something of a reverence and sincerity to the evening. The table was covered with food. The food was covered with prayer. The family took turns reading from the Torah. There was even singing, though I couldn’t understand a word. It was beautiful.
At the close of the evening, I still had many miles to go before I reached the little town of Tel Aviv. Dana gave me her best directions and I made it part way before I had to stop and ask Vered for more help.
Driving through a foreign country at night by yourself is pretty cool if you don’t care where you are going. If you actually have to make it somewhere, it becomes a bit more of a mission. Finally, with the ceaseless help of my two companions and a few street signs, I made it back to Tel Aviv and my hotel.
I was wrung out. After a huge day of hundreds of kilometers and endless adventure I made it to bed and slept like I’d been blackjacked.
Every day of this trip has been different. So many mornings I awake with no idea what the day will bring. This was a day unlike any other.
When I tried to sink, I was buoyed up. When I got lost, friends old and new were there to help. When I was hungry I was taken in, fed, and treated like I belonged there.
There are places we never thought we would go. There are things we never thought of doing. This doesn’t mean we have to do it, but if we do, the people we do it with will make all the difference.
All the difference...
Wrap Up:
You can visit the Dead Sea quite simply with a tour group. Just ask your hotel.
If you want to rent a car, there are plenty of agencies, but you can’t return the car on Saturday unless it is at the airport.
For less than 3 days rental, you are limited to how many kilometers you can drive. Be sure you know.
While I was traveling in South America, I seemed to be continually running across groups of people from Israel. I knew little to nothing about the country, nor did I gain a true understanding it through these encounters. I did learn that Israel has compulsory military service, and most of the guys from Israel really know how to cook!
Yes, it's a smile.
In Argentina, I got lucky and made friends with two magnificent Israeli girls. Their world-class personalities, great smiles, and wonderful laughs got me thinking that I might like to go visit them someday.
Luckily, I got the opportunity to volunteer with the IDF, which brought me to Israel. Even in the military, you get the weekend to yourself, which brought me to Tel Aviv.
Like most of the foreigners who come to Tel Aviv, I was told about the two major Expat bars: Molly Bloom’s and Mike’s Place. They didn’t really appeal to me, Mike’s place was bombed a few years ago, so I called up Zizi and asked where the party was at. She gave me some cross streets and a time to be there, and I got prepped.
For those who don’t know, Friday is the sabbath for Israel, meaning nothing happens. That makes Thursday night something of a party night. Or, in this case, quite a bit of a party night.
Beit Oded, the army hostel I was staying at, closed their doors at midnight and did not open them again until 6 a.m. Midnight came and went, which meant I was committed. Luckily, I had my great old friends, like Dana and Zizi, and great new friends, like Vered and Anat, to keep me company. I even received an invitation to Shabat dinner for the following night.
Stealing what few hours of sleep I could from the pre-noon I awoke half remembering a promise from Zizi and Dana to take me shopping the following day. I already had a few text messages from them asking me where I was. We reached the mall right as all the shops were closing in observance of the coming Shabat evening, but we did get to check out some of the market nearby and I got to try a true Israeli falafel. Not a bad day.
The thing about agreements made in loud dance club after midnight, is that they aren’t guaranteed to come out the way you had planned. My shopping trip was a case in point. My appointment for my first Shabat dinner was another.
Instead of having a Shabat dinner at home, Vered ran the day a little long and had no time to cook, so she organized a dinner out on the town with some friends. It was brilliant.
Israelis love to have fun. Everyone was laughing and joking with one another, friends, strangers, locals and foreigners. Israelis can drink. With the exception of Vered, who seems to be comfortably numb after a 1/2 beer.
The following night, I was the lucky recipient of a hamburger dinner and a personal guided walking tour of the historic district surrounding the old train station from my new friend Lee; it was as beautiful as it was historic.
All too soon, I had to head back to the base and being another week of work.
When I got back to Tel Aviv, I was again struck by how simple it was to get anything done. Taxis, buses, and trains could get you anywhere within a reasonable amount of time. Walking was easy and maps were relatively good.
Vered even managed to find time in her schedule to give me a cooking lesson disguised as dinner. I learned how to make one of my favorite new foods: shakshouka!
I managed to make it to my hotel, the market, the mall, and anywhere I wanted to go. The only thing that held me back was my own sense of time and the fact that I simply did not have enough days in the city.
Why Not?
After a long day at the end of my stay, I made plans to catch up with the miraculously happy Zizi, and I was late showing up and the velvet rope kept me outside until I just ran out of steam and retired for the evening. Oddly enough, the club was the Israel Dental Association. I am still not sure how that works.
Anyone considering a trip to Israel, make sure to leave yourself a few days for Tel Aviv. It is hard to explain just how touching the people here are and just how easy it is to feel at home. It is a city with a past to make you think and a present that promises a good time!
Besos!
Wrap Up:
Tel Aviv is waiting with open arms. They are going to love you.
Get acquainted with the bus routes if you need to travel long distances. Taxis are prevalent, but they can get expensive if you are moving around a lot.
Go out on the town. Talk to people, they are just friends waiting to happen.
Check out the beach. There are tons of good hotels and even some hostels lining the beach that can take care of you.
Check out the malls. If you are in need of anything from the western world or just want to do some people watching, this is the place. Pro tip: only the tourists wear the IDF t-shirts. If you are going to buy them, go home before you wear them around.
Quick update: I’m back in Thailand for more training. I’ll be here for about a month between Chiang Mai and Phuket Thai; massage, Reiki, and Muay Thai practice. Thai number is still the same:
+66833922967
While we are all going about our lives, please, everyone who knows the Gonzales family, spare a moment of prayer or a phone call to let them know that even now we remember them and the light their son brought to our lives.
