Reiki and the Yogi: Simonisms.

In another world, I was a warrior.

Maybe it was another life. Many months ago, I left Thailand behind. I left with bruises, for sure, though disproportionately less than I should have considering the beatings I had been taking. I credit much of this to the healing properties of yoga, Reiki, thai massage, and what the Thai call pran.

I left on this journey around the world to finish something I started a long time ago. To change the direction my life was headed; to bring new things into my life. That’s exactly what I have done.

Meeting Simon was really just the next step, I suppose.

Zsofi and I were both excited to get to Thailand. I was much more interested in Muay Thai training, and she was more into cooking, yoga, kiteboarding, and all the other fantastic things that are right at your fingertips on Phuket.

Part of my training was early morning yoga with Simon the Yogi. It’s hard to just jump up and run off to being beaten on all day without a little warm up and stretching first. I watched trained fighters make this mistake and pay for it with their bodies. Only part of the yoga was physical, though. Simon spoke to us through the whole hour, waking up our minds and getting us ready for a day full of possibilities.

“This is not an ashram or a temple: life here is different. With the sounds and clatter of battle around you, you cannot fool yourself. You are not a monk. You are a warrior.”

Also, he often sounded like a complete madman.

Simon didn’t just do yoga, he taught weapons classes; stick fighting, krabi krabong, and knife offense and defense. When he spoke about using weapons it was again with mysticism.

“You are performing sorcery. You are causing solid objects to move around your body in geometric patterns.”

Given all the exposure I had to Simon’s particular brand of  acceptable lunacy, I had a great deal of time to chat with him about energy, pran, ki, chi, chakras; the intangibles.

One afternoon, somewhere between the spirit house and the giant golden Buddha, over the sounds of battle, Simon told me he did Reiki attunement, and I was immediately onboard.

Sundays are the only day of rest at Tiger. Hence on Sundays, when Simon wasn’t off in the jungle somewhere, he would sometimes initiate the curious into the world of Reiki.

I was concerned that it wouldn’t ‘work’ for me. Somehow, after traveling halfway around the world, running with the bulls, working with the IDF, riding camels through the Sahara, making friends in every corner of the globe, I still believed that there was something uniquely and fundamentally ‘wrong’ with me; that I couldn’t do it.

Simon tapped into this and in his own way, tailored everything he said towards it.

“Inadequacy is an illusion,” he would say to me. “You can do all of this. Effortlessly.”

Effortlessly. He kept saying that word all day, it just kept coming up; through the smoke, over lunch, through meditation and Reiki sessions.

Years later, I have been given more Reiki attunements. I have experienced numerous healing modalities, and even endeavored to make some of them my own. If you are interested in learning more about Reiki or Yoga, just google your area. Enlightened people are everywhere. It may change your life in some small way. For me, I can say it has given me a number of tools for making my life easier, though perhaps not quite “effortless” as was promised. I still hear his words sometimes, echoing in my memory. And so I offer them to you, dear reader.

“Protect me. Evolve me to the highest good. and all else too.”

 

The Singapore Sling

Early in life, I remember hearing about the American teenager, Michael Fay, who was caned in Singapore for vandalism in the 90’s; flesh flayed from his buttocks by a bamboo staff. Prior to that, I remember thinking Singapore was a place in China. At no point in my life did I expect to get arrested there.

To get from Thailand to Vietnam, one must cross a decent portion of Asia. Given my experience with mass transit in Asia, I decided it was best to catch a flight, as my odds of surviving the plane crash were roughly equivalent with those of surviving anything else in Asia. Tiger Airways, a Singapore based company, had a good flight routing through Changi airport near Paya Lebar, Singapore ; a place which is not, it turns out, in China.  They layover was long, the better part of 8 hours, but that was going to work out well for me, since I wanted to wander around and get a feel for the place.

As day precludes night, I had to pack my bag before I could get on the plane.

Packing has become “old hat.” I have a packing system for my bag, that allows me to retrieve any item or group of items I may need with relative certainty and alacrity. I know where everything goes, and I know what items need to be transferred to my “checked” baggage as they will not be allowed into the airport.

Once or twice I have forgotten something, true (like when the Atatürk Airport security took my spray deodorant and let me through security with the knife in my bag), but I’ve learned my lesson. I put my pocket knives away in my special bag in my checked bag and got on the plane with no issues. A quick flight filled with the atypically pretty girls so typical on Asian airlines trying to refill my drink and bring me napkins, placed me promptly and safely at Changi Airport in Singapore.

Each new country is cool to me. There is a little magic, kindled from childhood when all was new and bright and sparked the soul with each sunrise, that lifts the feet and heart as I cross each imaginary boundary into new lands. Singapore in-processing was not unusual and was going well until I noticed this giant x-ray scanning machine that was checking all our bags. I watched my bag go through, and a couple guys picked it up and set it aside. I was then called over to, I assumed, collect my bag and take it somewhere.

This was not the case.

The officials asked me to open my pack, and remove some things, and then started looking for my pocket knives. Yes, this was still my “checked” baggage. One of the knives had a pushbutton release on it. They weren’t thrilled about this.

I was escorted to an auxiliary police station nearby and placed in police custody. There was a Canadian guy, whom we’ll call Chuck, being held there also, under similar circumstances. His crime was leaving an empty pistol shell casing from a shooting range in his bag. Yes, empty, as in a useless piece of copper, incapable of hurting anyone unless one managed to swallow it, sideways. Yet, by merit of the fact that it was once in contact with a firearm, Chuck the Canuck was arrested and held in police custody until such time as it could be verified he was not, in fact, some Canadian Terrorist sent to decimate Singapore with an ounce of copper.

Chuck and I spoke back and forth, when we were held in the same area, sometimes being asked to go to another room and talk to someone ro sign some papers. Largely, we were treated like someone who had come in for a job interview: an interview for a caning.

It was hard to shake the idea that I would be detained, miss my flight, then possible punished corporally with a giant rattan stick by a man whose name I didn’t even know, leaving my bottom in somewhat less pristine condition than I had arrived; to steal an American colloquialism, leaving my ass in a sling.

I was called again into a side room with a woman in an unassuming polo shirt bearing some sort of police insignia who bade me sit at the other side of her desk. She spoke to me in the earnest, direct speech of one who is relaying a message that will not be well received, indicating to me that switchblade or pushbutton release knives are illegal in Singapore. That, regardless of the fact I was supposed to continue on to another country, the minute I landed on the ground, I was now an international weapons trafficking offender and under arrest and subject to the laws and punishments of the Republic of Singapore.

Skin whitening is something of a rage in Asia. Walk into any pharmacy anywhere and you will find dozens of bottles claiming to lighten your skin through all manner of chemical methods. The bloodless white pallor of the Asian  faces adorning the bottles is disturbing to say the least.  It’s not a good look for them.

As I sat, captive, and listened to my “crimes” recounted by the unassuming lady, the blood drained from my face, pooling up somewhere in my shoes along with my courage; I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a good look for me either.

She slid me yet another paper to read and sign, written mostly in English, which stated I understood the charges as they had been read to me. I signed, swallowed hard against the lump in my throat, and waited.

After a long rest, verifying I had signed as indicated, she explained to me that as I was a first offender, being newly introduced to my life of international crime, the great Republic of Singapore was allowing me to go free and suspend any sentence pending further criminal action on my part. She made sure to tell me that “this would go down on my permanent record” and should I decided to visit Singapore again, which they truly hoped I would, I should try not to bring any more illegal items as I was now a criminal and I wouldn’t be treated so lightly for repeat offenses.

All I heard was that I was going to be able to leave with my buttocks un-violated.

I promptly signed several more papers, nodding my affirmations, and exulting in the feeling of blood flow in my face again. Looking at the clock, I noticed that I still had enough time, maybe, to make it to my connecting flight if they let me out of there with my bags; which they did.

Having recanted my villianous deeds and turning over a new, less criminal, leaf in life, I was a free man to play with the childrens crayon table, making myself a souvenier picture, or eat some of the delicious local fare… which looked like the food in most airports in the world.

About 6 hours after touching down on Singapore soil, and an hour or so after being released from police custody, I was marching happily up to the counter to board my connecting flight and leave my checkered Asian past behind me and my undamaged bottom.

The lesson here is simple. Don’t take up a life of crime, kids. It will catch you in the end. Whether in a Turkish prison, or at the end of a bamboo pole; you won’t be sitting pretty.

Selling the bikes; parting with friends.

I’m selling the bikes today. I’m a little sad, and a little relieved. They weren’t free, and they were quite troublesome. That being said, these two monstrosities truly were the other members of the trip. They had personalities and problems just as much as did Michelle and myself. They became our friends.

The bike sales issue is one that I am sure many people will run into when motorbiking Vietnam, so I’ll try and dig into that a little bit before I get all nostalgic.

Everyone will tell you that there are more bikes in Saigon and less in Hanoi. This is true, but that doesn’t mean the bikes are any good in Saigon or that hard to come by in Hanoi.

Buying the bikes as I did, in Saigon, I had a week to ensure that the repairs on them were made and they were road worthy. Even after taking each of the bikes back to the mechanics and asking him to make further repairs, very little was done. The bikes were repaired only in as much as they looked serviceable and no further. We purchased from a guy named Kevin Raven, who I quite like and who was full of information. The problem may lie in the communication barrier between him and his mechanic, Anh. By the end of the first day, parts were literally falling off of our bikes.


We have spent the first several hours of every day fixing the bikes, and when we finally arrived in Hanoi, the mechanics that Mr. Raven referred us to were too busy to meet for several days until the day before I had to leave Vietnam. The mechanic was brutal in his evaluation of the bikes, and when I made any attempt at negotiation he simply said he would not purchase the bikes and attempted to leave. We got bottom dollar.

This is a tough market, and “the other guys” have the upper hand. Just consign yourself to dealing with it and realize the money isn’t everything. I would recommend going somewhere other than Kevin Raven’s shop for a bike, as the faults we experienced could easily have been deadly if they had happened at the wrong moment. “Gross negligence” is a phrase I would use to describe it… “complete disregard for human life” might be another. Nothing against Kevin, he’s a likable bloke, but I’d rather live to see another American smile.

Today, I can smell the Vietnamese coffee wafting up from the cafe downstairs. I know I’ll miss that, so I have purchased way too much of it to mail back home. My coffee purchase and subsequent shipping costs may amount to the most expensive cup of coffee ever.

I’ll miss Bahn Bao for sure… and even skinny girls, sometimes.

Vietnam hasn’t touched me the way that I thought it would. Most of it I could live without, but it’s the discovery of such personal facts that requires one actually go and sample the place. This country taught me a great deal about myself, people, tolerance, and about my good friend, Michelle. I’ve never seen a Vietnamese family; not  in America. I have seen, kissed, and enjoyed the friendship of Vietnamese girls in the USA, but that’s about as close as I’ve gotten to seeing the other side of things.

These bikes have enabled me to have the most exciting day of riding in my life. They also allowed me to fulfill a dream I shared with one of my closest friends to ride the Hi Van pass. The have allowed me to get away from the cities in Vietnam, where it is so hard to find anything redeeming, and get out into the country and find real people, see the amazing green landscapes and truly find something to love about this place. These two wheels, as usual, spell freedom and peace; things so rare and hard fought for in sections of the world.

Today, though, with the sale of the bikes, comes a different kind of freedom. The need to maintain them, gas them up, lock them up, worry if they are going to kill us; all this is gone. While the bikes ultimately were something of a failure monetarily, they were an enormous success in the memories they helped us create.

This is the lesson Vietnam has driven home. Today, the bikes will be gone. Tomorrow, the money will be gone. The memories and the bonds of friendship forged on this trip will never leave us. The silent moments as we stood on mountain peaks and stared over an emerald series of chasms, the moments the brakes failed, the crashes, and the broken cookies eaten in wonder over Hi Van pass; none of this will ever be lost or can ever be duplicated.

These thoughts are what make days like this tolerable. We are reminded that we get to have more adventures and that we will see these friends again, and that we will make even more friends between now and then. We pat the bikes a solemn farewell and kiss the cheeks of friends and we say our goodbyes promising each other it won’t be forever. Even if it is, even if we never meet in this life again, we will both be richer for these memories we have shared and we should never regret these moments that made us smile.

Asian Stereotypes: Fact or Fiction?

In many parts of the world, groups of people are often generalized or stereotyped:

  • Americans are all fat.
  • Germans are all beer loving engineers.
  • Russians put vodka on their cereal.
  • Africans get dinner with a spear.

Asians are no exception to this rule. After spending some time among them, I thought about this and some of the stereotypes I had most often been told of Asians. Have I found them to be true? Take a look.

1. Asians are bad drivers.

This is utterly untrue. Asians by and large are capable of operating a motor vehicle in arenas that would cause most North Americans I know to break into sweat and go back to bed. This place is damn challenging and requires constant vigilance and split second pinpoint accuracy. Asians are amazing drivers. The myth arises from when Asian drivers have to go to areas where the rules are different, like the USA. This driving method, somewhat akimbo, is less effective there.

2. All Asians are good at Math.

I’m afraid not, kids. From the moment I arrived in Asia, everyone was using huge calculators to perform even the simplest of math. 200 minus 50? Better use that calculator, base 10 can get away from you pretty quickly.

3. Asians eat dogs and cats.

Not once in my time in Asia was I ever offered dog or cat meat. This does not mean that I knew what I was eating every time I sat down, or that I didn’t eat some really weird items while I was there, however.

 

4. Asians are short.

Actually, this one is largely true. While Asia does produce the occasional vertical anomaly like Yao Ming, I was mostly awash in a wading pool of black haired people who couldn’t have looked me in the eye without a stepladder. This was neat at first, though if you are over 6 feet, you may want to watch out for the door frames. Concussions just aren’t cool.

5. Rice.

True. The one thing you can count on with every meal in Asia is rice. Sometimes rice is the entire meal. It’s odd for me to say, coming from a largely carnivorous diet, but the rice is delicious! Plenty of calories to get through the day. The word for rice is sometimes substituted for the word for meal or food, and the breathtaking green of fields of rice give you views like you don’t see elsewhere. Just Google up some pictures of Sapa in Vietnam.

All in all, the lesson to be learned here is that you can’t judge a book by the cover that you never saw but someone else told you about. No matter how reliable or instantiated the rumor was that you heard it will never sum up the technicolor wonderland of experiencing another culture first-hand.

Take a chance, find a way, get out there and do some exploring; even if that just means just trying a new Nationality of  food that you haven’t ever considered before. (I dare you to take a look around for a Malaysian restaurant near you and try Nasi Lemak.) See for yourself. I promise you the experience will be worth it.

Ha Long in a day

Be Careful. Everything you can read online about Ha Long Bay says this. It’s for real, you can spend a great deal of money quickly and unnecessarily while experiencing Ha Long Bay.

Upon arriving in Hanoi, Michelle and I were, for the first time since we got them, without our bikes. It was strange and a little sad to be missing two members of the expedition, but the bright side was that we got our passports back as soon as we saw Zofi. I barely had time to take pleasure in the return of another friendly face before Michelle and I were throwing ourselves in to a taxi and riding the two hours to Halong City. This is the expensive way. It cost us upwards of 1.3 million dong.

If you have the time, grab the local transport. buses run this route every day, and are reliable and about as comfortable as one would expect. If you have less than 24 hours to make it to Halong and back to the airport (as did Michelle), then you might just have to pony up and pay the cash.

Once in Halong city, there is a main street that is filled with the same style of hotel that exists everywhere in Vietnam. lots of stairs, decent amenities, really clean floors. The one thing that seems to differ between them is the bathroom. Make sure to see the bathroom in the actual room you will be staying in before you pay.

In the morning, everyone rushes down to the seaside to jump on a boat and go check out the bay. If you are hungry beforehand, check out the little streetside carts in town. Miche and I grabbed some great scrambled egg sandwiches and bahn bao! This was the first time I have ever had this devilish little treat, usually steamed up in a big bin like you see here, and it definitely won’t be the last! Notice the gigantic pipe next to it.

Everyone, honestly everyone, will try to tell you about the “best” way to see the harbor on their friends/brothers/husbands/dentists boat. Don’t fall for it. Just do what you can to book it ahead of time or from a reputable tour group; ask around. If you aren’t leaving from the main dock area, you probably aren’t getting “a deal,” you are most likely about to get really ripped off.

How do we know this? Take a look at Michelle’s face after they told her how much her lunch was going to cost!

In fact, the only good part about lunch was how it started. There are big holding areas of fish that you can select a meal out of. Once your meal is selected, the fishmonger will haul the fish out with a net, drop it on the deck, and then proceed to beating it to deal violently with a giant piece of wood. It is a sight to see.

 

Pay close attention to the price of things. Ask for the price up front and be very clear on whether the price is per fish, or per kilo! Also, ask if there is a service charge.

The bay itself is massive. It’s not surprising that people actually live their entire lives on the water here. If I went out on a boat, I would probably do the same because I would never be able to find my way back again. Both times I have been there, the bay has been completely overcast and misty the whole time. It’s not unpleasant, as the bay is really something beautiful to behold, but it’s rare that you ever get any sun (as in the Top Gear special) from what I have been told.

Another thing you don’t see on top gear are the panhandlers; people asking the rich foreigner for “something for nothing.” In this scenario, the part of the rich foreigner will be played by… you. Contrary to the evidence at hand, my extended sabbatical trip round the world, I like to work. I enjoy being part of a team and building something greater than myself. I also like getting a paycheck. I’ve tipped street performers on almost every continent in the world. Not because I needed to see that guy spit fire, but because he did it for my camera and I thought it was cool. There are even countries where it is ingrained in the culture like bakhshish (bak-SHEESH) in Islamic countries, so you wind up tossing someone a few coins for just about anything. What bothers me is when folks try to bring children into it. It happens over here, too. Might as well get ready for it.

 

A day in Ha Long Bay really isn’t enough (which is why I came back), but if you are short on time, it can be done. Keep your head on straight, always ask the price first, and do what the other tourists are doing… within reason. Realize that, if you are taken out on a private boat, and suddenly one of the crew materializes a briefcase full of jewelry to sell you at “special rates,” that this is likely not the best place to spend your money.

Wrap Up:

  • Check the shuttle and bus times. They run regularly and can be very cheap. You can get a taxi or private car, but it will cost you 10-15 times more, and they may try to get more from you once you are en route.
  • If you stay in a hotel, check the important things first. Visually inspect the bathroom in the room you will actually be sleeping in, and if you are using a computer be sure to connect to the wifi before paying.
  • Book through a reliable hostel or go straight to the dock and sort it out there. You’ll get better service and a better price.
  • Always ask the price ahead of time. If you don’t like it, you can bargain/haggle or just walk away and try someone else. Never assume it is “included.”
  • When someone is begging… consider the situation. If the person is a fisherman by trade, complaining he has no food and lives in a bay on a boat… they may be trying to fleece you.

 

Saigon Tom’s intro to Vietnam

From roughly March, 20, 2011

What a jumpstart… what do I talk about first…

My guide to Saigon, the city actually named Ho Chi Minh City but I think that name sucks so I am calling it Saigon, is a local named Tom. Tom speaks English. He is self taught… from watching porn and talking to tourists. You can imagine what sort of vocabulary that produces.

Tom is awesome.

I’ve spent the last few days caroming around the city with Tom and have never ceased to be in unabated awe of the things that come out of his mouth in front of other humans.

We sang karaoke in the kitchen of the Reunification Palace.

 

He took me to the best park to get local coffee and people watch.

Showed me how to navigate the traffic of Saigon and even experience my first traffic accident with me.

We both watched in awe as our taxi driver took off with my phone in his hand. And then Tom loaned me his stuntphone for the week.

True blue cool.

Tom and I went out on the town the night before Michelle was to arrive to see what would happen… and “happen” things did. Tom immediately began chatting up some western girls we met and we all agreed to meet up at a bar later in the night.

The bar seemed cool from the outside, though once we were inside, it was pretty clear that we shouldn’t be there. Old westerd guys were being doted on everywhere by beautiful Asian girls in tiny outfits. Fun, and harmless enough, but not what we were looking for. Later that night while walking back to my hotel, two girls on a scooter pulled up alongside me on the curb. The one driving spoke pretty good english, though it was clear from the blank looks that the pristinely beautiful young girl on the back did not.

Then it got weird. The girl on the front explained to me that this was her sister on the back. The driver explained to me that the sister was 16 years old and that she was very clean and I could have  her for a one hour “boom-boom” for $20.

Yes, she used the words “boo-boom”.

At this point, my travel radar was going into high alert. I knew that I was somewhere I should not be and talking to people that I did not need to be talking to, so I quickly checked all around me told the girls, No, thanks,” and got the heck out of there and back to relative safety with Tom.

It is due in no small part to Tom’s help that I was able to quickly and efficiently locate and procure the big blue atlas (the best book for the job), and the two steel horses that will transport Michelle and I across the length of this country; from Saigon in the south, to Ha Noi in the north.

 

Thanks to Krystle from PR, my bike was named Dodge, which encompasses the most basic driving survival skill for riding a motorbike in Vietnam. Michelle, when she met hers, christened it, Jenky. I still don’t know what that means.

Michelle landed in textbook fashion: late. Though, since she was only about 30 minutes behind, she was still about 90 minutes early. It’s hard to describe how your heart can seriously grow wings and shoot through the ceiling when you see an old friend after such a long time. It was like winning the lottery.

Michelle was also kind enough to bring me things from the USA. Things I hadn’t seen in a while and I was pretty happy to get my hands on; deodorant, a watch, a helmet. Important things. Survival things.

There is a shortage of deodorant in Asia.

The following day, Michelle and I ran off to the Ku Chi tunnels for a day or surrealism, and went to meet up for a last night in Saigon with our man about town: Saigon Tom.

  

Many hours of beer, hammers, and bowling later, Miche and I bid a lengthy adieu to Tom and went to get some sleep before we started out long journey up the length of the country the following morning.

It was an early day getting out of town, and we spent a bit too much time talking to Kevin, the guy we got the bikes from, but soon enough we put the rubber to the road for the first time on our great adventure together. The air was wet and electric and charged everything around us with a sense of excitement and danger. In retrospect, that could have just been the feeling of being on the road with so many Asian drivers.

Jenky and Dodge: The Hai Van Pass-port extravaganza

Upon waking on the dang train to Danang, Michelle had some good news for me. The passports were being couriered up to our hotel in Hoi An and would be arriving the following morning. Our hotel in Hoi An knew of the mess and would let us stay there without our passports; flouting government policy. Disaster averted.

This meant, we could kick back and enjoy Hoi An… but first we had to get out of Danang.

When the bikes rolled off the train, Dodge looked much as he had when he went on; minus a couple screws. Jenky on the other hand looked like she had barely survived a UFC bout. Everything was bent, mashed, or just plain missing.

This meant we would spend a few hours enjoying the Danang train station while the nearby mechanic sorted everything out.

We had a nice ride out to Hoi An after stopping at a shop called “The Living Bread” and had, what some consider, the best brownie ever. Upon our arrival in Hoi An, however, Dodge had had enough and refused to start again.

Luckily (?), we were right across the street from a mechanic the likes of which I have never seen. He immediately began pouring shots of some brain numbing local firewater into brazenly unwashed glasses and shoving it at me.

They couldn’t seem to get the bike figured out by the time our shuttle driver got there, so we loaded the bags into the bus and rode to our hotel.

After a little decompression, Michelle went to speak to a tailor and I caught a ride back to pick up Dodge. Everything seemed to be running fine, so we took off on a pathfinding adventure. I wound up near some big pipes that ran across the river, so I parked and walked out on them and just sat and watched the water. I can’t say how long I was there, except it was light when I arrived and dark when I left.

I stopped to check out a restaraunt on the way back, Mr. Long’s, and Mr Long asked to pose for a picture on my bike. Odd, but it turned out to be a great shot. It looks like it fell out of the 1970s.

Miche and I sallied forth in search of food and found jewels and postcards and crazy locals. It was an enjoyable night, but we were both completely wiped out from the train sleep and crashed hard as soon as we got back to the hotel.

Mornings are brilliant with Michelle around. We get up slow, laugh and smile a lot and forget that we have a million miles to ride our steel horses before we can sleep and wake up again. We wandered around downtown Hoi An and found a couple neat little juice and breakfast places to camp out at. We even got some cookies for the road.

After food, we swung by A Dong Silk Tailors to look at making some clothes for me. Suits and Shirts and things rapidly got confusing, so I asked for a plain white work shirt and the one thing I have been unable to find in years of passive searching… a black bow tie.

Now, I just need to learn how to tie this thing.

The morning was gone, and the afternoon was rapidly approaching, and we had something huge ahead of us for the day. The real reason that any of us were in Vietnam, though the idea was originally that of Joe who was only there in spirit; The Hai Van Pass.

Returning to the hotel to pick up the bikes, we found that Reality had other plans. As we arrived to the hotel, the front desk informed us that the courier with our passports had just forgotten to swing by and gone to Hue instead. The next hour was weird answer followed by weirder answer on why the passports were not coming back to us, why the courier did not have them, and why the courier was suddenly no longer a courier, but rather a  bus driver. After an hour of headaches, through some miracle, Zsofi called and was staying in Hue about 100 meters from the place where the passports were being held. After about 20 conference calls, we got Zsofi to pick up the passports and made plans to meet up in a few days in Hanoi.

Finally! We could go to Hai Van Pass! Flying down the road it seemed I could not drive fast enough! Then I realized that Dodge truly was slowing down, drastically, then stopping altogether at the side of the road. Dodge refused to start again.

Michelle, like a true companion, stuck with me while we found a mechanic and sat down to make plans for extending our stay in Hoi An. 30 seconds after we sat down, the mechanic had put a new spark plug in and Dodge was running like a dream. The other spark plug, which had been replaced by Captain Wrinkles the day before, looked like it had come out of another bike after several thousand hard miles.

Scrapping our plans to extend, we hit the road with a fury. Getting through Danang was a pain, but we made it with the guidance of a very friendly and very slow local guy we stopped to ask for directions. Once we got out of town, this is what we found.

The pictures, like my words, simply cannot do justice to this ride. Though, second by a hairsbreadth to the road from Da Lat, this is the greatest coastal ride I have ever seen. Hai Van means “Ocean Clouds.” I see how it got the name.

As much as I enjoyed the ride, I was equally happy to watch Michelle ride. She seems to be listening more and more to the bike every day getting better at gauging road surfaces, throttle and brake response and everything that is necessary to survive on the streets of Vietnam. The roads were quite wet from the mist below and we both slid around a good deal, but no one went down.

On the ride back we exalted in our freedom and the feeling of the wheels beneath us. I stopped to give Hi-5’s to some construction workers and laughed the whole way. Once we made it back to town, we were both flying along with the certainty of trained professionals… which we are not.

Stopping after a roundabout near the edge of Danang, I asked a man on the corner for directions. That’s when I noticed that Michelle was nowhere to be seen. Entering the roundabout, she was right behind me, leaving it 30 meters later, she was gone.

I sat there, hand cramping from holding in the clutch for so long, staring around and wondering what happened until the man that gave me directions had grown so agitated he was in my face and speaking the directions very loudly directly into my goggles and pointing wildly down the road, thinking I had not understood.

I waited. I waited some more. I waited until the light of the day was an exhale on the horizon before I slowly started coasting down the street I thought Michelle must have taken when my phone began ringing.

Michelle had indeed taken this street and was near the end of it with a bike that had simply ground to a halt at Mr. Pizza. Easy enough to find, but less simple to remedy.

After making sure Michelle was ok, we took a look at the bike. Jenky’s rear sprocket had come loose, dumped the chain and been mashed up into the swing arm and associated components. With the leatherman in my pack and some elbow grease, I was able to get the sprocket back on and the chain in place so we could roll it down the street to a mechanics shop. I use the term “shop” loosely.

Everyone was quite helpful, offering gasoline or help fixing the bike. I assured them we had enough xang, gas, and upon seeing the first mechanics “shop” was a plastic bag filled with varying spanners, declined his help. The second mechanic we found was much more official. he had a wooden box instead of a plastic bag. So, seated on the street corner, we tightened the bolts as much as possible, and cleaned up my completely filthy hands with some unknown white powder the mechanic offered me.

I looked at my watch. This was where it got hectic.

It was after 8 p.m. We needed to be on the train by 10:30. After a short conference with the mechanic, Michelle, Jenky, Dodge, and myself, we identified the things that might limit us from making the train.

  1. We had not paid for the bikes to be shipped to Hanoi.
  2. The shipping office was closed.
  3. We needed to try on, and have any adjustments made to, the clothing we had ordered in Hoi An.
  4. The tailors were closed.
  5. We needed to pack and vacate our hotel room in Hoi An.
  6. We were 40 minutes from Hoi An.

I’m still not sure how we did it. Through a breakneck and aggravating 3 hour hurricane we managed to get someone to come open the shipping office and process the bikes, then catch a ride to Hoi An, while Michelle packed the room up, I swung over to the tailors and picked up my shirt and tie. We started a huge riot between competing taxi drivers to get us to the train station, and finally got one of them to give us a ride. We arrived at the station a little after 11 p.m. but still with time to get on the train as it was running about 20 minutes late. I can only imagine that time runs differently in Vietnam, because it seemed then as it does now; impossible.

This entry in the journal seems long, but the day was longer by far. At the end of it all, tired, wrung out, and nearly starving, we arrived on the train car to find 4 old Vietnamese and a 1/2 dozen dirty and disarrayed beds in a train compartment that generated some nasty odor that I couldn’t quite place.

Michelle looked up at me and said, “Feet.”

Jenky and Dodge: Spa Day and the lost Passports

After the muddy abuse the bikes took the day before, we decided it was time to handle some cosmetic issues with a good bath. This nearly cost me my life.

The bikes both have drum brakes, front and rear, which are not as responsive as the disk brakes I am accustomed to. Driving through the perilous Vietnam streets to the train station, a car cut right in front of me and hit the brakes. I did the same, but as the brakes were soaking wet from the car wash… nothing happened!

Screaming toward my impending demise on my freshly washed chariot, I took evasive action; nearly killing a hello kitty scooter and it’s occupants in doing so. Just part of your balanced Vietnam breakfast. Speaking of breakfast, Mecca seems to be the clear winner for all things foodie in Nha Trang.

After they were all cleaned up, we took the bikes to the train station to be packed up and made ready for the trip to Danang and nearby Hoi An.

I took some time to go do a mini Beach Day routine, minus the tire, on the coastline. The days there were overcast and colder than the south. Locals told me it was warm and sunny last year, but this year is gray and less inviting.

The hotel, Kim Ngan, offered to let us stay a half day extra, checking out at 6 p.m. for a few dollars more, and so we had a spot to shower and hang out for the day.

Everything went relatively smoothly until we were on the train and heading out of town.

I turned to Michelle and asked her to hand me my passport, as I assumed she had them since I had not received them at the hotel. She didn’t have them either. Our hotel, following the quaint Vietnamese tradition of holding each occupants passport during their stay, had neglected to return the passports to us as we paid our bill and left.

So it was, that after more than a year abroad, despite numerous and unsuccesful attempts to steal said passport from me, that it was finally gone; sitting in a drawer, while I was an hour away on the dang train to Danang and not stopping for another 10 hours.

In what I hope was a completely uncharacteristic display, and at a loss for anything to say or do, I handed my phone to Michelle to sort it out, took a sleeping pill, curled up around my helmet, and went to Dreamland to pretend this wasn’t happening.

 

Vietnam Road Trip: Day 4

The most exciting day of motorcycling I have ever experienced.

Listen to me, all of you; listen to me, NOW!

Go to Vietnam, get a good motorbike, ride to Da Lat, then take the 723 to the 2 into Nha Trang.

This was amazing.

We rode through mountains so high we actually went above the rainstorm and into the clouds. We rode through beautiful brand new mountain switchback roads. We rode through, and crashed in, gigantic muddy morasses. We broke, and duct taped back together, both our headlights, and multiple indicators.

Go and ride these roads.

Vietnam Road Trip: Day 3

Finding a rythum.

The morning turned out to be wildly successful. We found a dedicated suspension shop to replace the whole of Michelle’s rear suspension. Then another shop to add some juice to her battery and replace her spark plug. Jenky was looking good. This is important because we were about to do our longest day yet; 300 km of mountain roads to reach Da Lat in the Central Highlands.

There appear to be only three measurements of distance or time available in Vietnam. 20 minutes, 100 meters, and “go straight.” These are all acceptable as measurements of distance and time as these are the only answers we have received from anyone directing us toward anything for the last three days. At first we believed them. Then we started getting frustrated. Now we just laugh harder every time we hear them.

The ride was amazing; filled with greens the color of eyes from half-remembered dreams. The roads were a winding wilderness wonderland that nearly cost us our lives as much as it was “The time of.”

Though we had a pretty good streak going of gradually increasing the catastrophic mechanical failure to the bikes, Dodge and Jenky, today was flawless. We arrived in Da Lat in perfect working order… late… and in awe of the continuing phenomenon of wildly inaccurate directions.

Protip: The entire city of Da Lat starts shutting down at 9 p.m. and is completely done by 10. Take care of dinner plans early.